Gronk Crush Middle Class Tax Hike

I worked in political communications for years, and this satirical op-ed in The Onion by “Senator Gronk” perfectly parodies what I did every day:

Me hate 3712! Bill punish hardworking Americans trying to earn fair wage and maintain decent standard of living. Bill discourage spending at time spending needed. Bill bad! Hrrrrngh! Me crush regressive, short-sighted bill!

Naturally, Gronk takes the opportunity to go negative against his opponent—or as media consultants call it, “comparative:”

Gronk opponent for Senate seat, him vote against the people in two unremarkable terms as congressman. Rep. Charles Braithwaite, him absent from vote almost one session out of five. Gronk have one of best attendance records in Congress! Gronk smash Braithwaite! SMASH!

Another absolutely smashing parody by The Onion.